Dating again after divorce, at your own pace

There is no rule that says wait a year, or one month for every year you were married. Readiness shows up in smaller ways. You can talk about the marriage without it taking over the whole evening. You're curious about a new person, not looking for someone to fill the empty side of the bed or to prove something to your ex. You have a little time and energy left once work and the children have had theirs. And you could hear "I don't think we're a match" without it flattening your week.

If the loudest feeling is loneliness, that's worth listening to as well. Friends, a class or a divorced singles group (see below) can help before a date does. Our guide on how to tell if you're ready to date again walks through the signs in more detail, and there's a separate one on rebound relationships if you suspect that's what is happening.

Children don't need to meet everyone you have coffee with. It usually makes sense to wait until a relationship is steady before any introduction, then keep the first meeting short, somewhere neutral, with an easy way to leave. Tell your co-parent before the children meet anyone, so they don't hear it first from a seven-year-old in the back seat.

Dating also has to fit around the schedule you already have. Keeping handovers, routines and your time with the children steady matters more than any single date.

Start with introducing a new partner to your children and co-parenting when one of you starts dating. If you are both parents, blended families covers what changes, and dating as a single parent deals with sitters and time.

Two kinds of group help in different ways. Divorced singles groups are social: dinners, walks, dances and trips with other people starting over, with no pressure to date anyone. Divorce support groups are for working through what happened, and are often run by a counselor, a charity or a faith community.

To find one near you, look at library and community center notice boards, adult education and recreation programs, and the events pages of local places of worship. Your therapist, your children's school community or even your lawyer's office may know of a group that meets nearby.

Before a first meeting, check who runs it, whether it costs anything and how big it usually is. A well-run group tells you that up front. If you're in your fifties or sixties, dating after divorce over 50 has more on meeting people at the same stage of life.

They might. Profiles on Just Divorced Singles are shared with partner sites in the same network, so members of those sites can see your profile and message you. You can't make yourself invisible to one person, but you can control what they would see.

Pick a username that doesn't include your name, town or your children's names. Use photos you haven't posted elsewhere, and leave out pictures of your children, your house or your car. Keep your employer and your street to yourself until you've met someone and trust them. If your ex has been controlling or frightening, read our safety page before you join, and if you'd rather not be found, you can delete your account at any time: click your avatar, then Settings > Delete Account.

How much to say about your ex once you are on a date is a different question; talking about your ex on a date covers it.