Romance scams that target people after divorce

How big is the problem?

Big, and mostly hidden. In February 2024 the Federal Trade Commission said people in the US reported losing $1.14 billion to romance scams in 2023, with a median loss of $2,000 per person. Those figures only count losses people chose to report, so the real total is likely higher.

A romance scam is a fraud in which someone builds a fake relationship, usually online, in order to get money. The relationship is the tool, and it is often run by organized groups working from a script.

Why are people after divorce targeted?

Because divorce often creates several of the conditions scammers look for at once:

• Money in motion. A settlement payment, a house sale, a share of a pension, or savings suddenly in one name.
• Fewer people checking in. Friends may have taken sides, and there is no spouse to ask "who is this person you keep messaging?"
• Unfamiliar finances. Someone who left the money side of the marriage to their spouse may now be managing investments for the first time.
• A wish to be chosen. After rejection, intense attention feels wonderful. Scammers know this and supply it.

None of this makes anyone foolish. Scams succeed because they are built by people who do this for a living. The defense is knowing how the script runs.

How does the script usually run?

The details change, but most romance scams follow the same arc.

1. A perfect match. Attractive photos, a profile that mirrors your interests, and a job that explains travel or poor signal: the FTC lists claims such as working on an oil rig, serving in the military or working for an international organization.
2. A quick move off the site. They suggest switching to a messaging app or text "because I'm rarely on here". Off the site, there's no one to report them to.
3. Intense attention. Long daily messages, early talk of love and a future together, sometimes plans to visit that never quite happen.
4. A reason they can't meet or video call. The camera is broken, the connection is bad, they're on a ship or a base.
5. The ask. A medical bill, a visa or customs fee, a frozen bank account, a flight to see you, or, increasingly, an "investment opportunity" they've done well from and want to share.
6. Escalation. Once you've paid once, there is another problem, and only you can help. If you hesitate, they're hurt, or angry, or say the relationship depends on it.

What they say, and what's really happening

Investment and crypto stories

A growing number of scams don't ask for help at all. A new online friend mentions how well they've done trading cryptocurrency, gold or foreign exchange, and offers to show you. You're directed to a professional-looking platform where your "balance" grows quickly. When you try to withdraw, there are fees, taxes or account checks to pay first, and the money never comes out.

These can be especially damaging after a divorce, because the sums involved are often a settlement or pension lump sum. Two rules:

• Never take investment advice from someone you met on a dating site, however long you've been talking.
• In the UK, check any firm on the Financial Conduct Authority's Firm Checker and Warning List before you invest. In the US, report investment fraud you meet online to the FTC and the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Warning signs to take seriously

• They say they love you before you've met.
• They always have a reason not to meet or video call.
• Their photos look like a model's, or their story has details that change.
• They push to move to another app or to email straight away.
• They ask you to keep the relationship secret from friends or family.
• They mention money, investments, an emergency or a fee, even in passing.
• They tell you how to pay: gift cards, cryptocurrency, wire transfers or a payment app.
• They ask you to receive money and forward it, or to buy goods for them.

The FTC's advice on the photos is practical: run a reverse image search. If the pictures turn up under another name, or with different details, it's very likely a scam. Searching their claimed job plus the word "scammer" can show whether others have reported the same story.

Habits that protect you

• Stay on the site's messaging until you have met. It keeps a record and lets you report a profile.
• Video call before you meet. A short call is normal now, and a scammer will avoid it.
• Meet in person early. Within a couple of weeks of talking regularly, in a public place. See our guide to a first date after a long marriage.
• Tell a friend. Saying out loud "he needs $3,000 for customs" often makes the problem obvious.
• Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven't met. No exceptions.
• Keep financial details private. Don't discuss your settlement, savings or pension with someone you've just met.
• Treat the optional ID badge as a signal, not a guarantee. On Just Divorced Singles, photos are reviewed but what people write is not checked. A badge, verified by LEM Verify with an ID document and a selfie, shows a face matched a document, nothing more.

What to do if you think you're being scammed

Act quickly; it gives you the best chance of stopping a payment.

1. Stop all payments. Don't send anything else, however urgent the story.
2. Call your bank or card provider using the number on the back of your card, not one the other person gave you. In the UK, dialing 159 connects you to most banks safely. If you paid with a gift card or cryptocurrency, contact that company too and say you paid a scammer.
3. Keep the evidence. Screenshots of messages, the profile and username, bank details you were given, receipts.
4. Report the profile from inside the members area, so it can be reviewed.
5. Report the scam.

6. Beware of recovery scams. People who have lost money are often contacted by someone offering to get it back for a fee. That is another scam.

If you're worried about someone else

If a parent, sibling or friend has started dating after a long marriage, the conversation goes better if it's about the pattern rather than the person. "These stories always end with a request for money" is easier to hear than "he's a fake". Offer to look at the photos together, or to sit with them while they call their bank. Keep the door open even if they're defensive; many people only see it once the next request arrives.

Don't let it put you off

Knowing how scams work means you can enjoy meeting people without being an easy target. Our safety guide covers the wider basics, how it works explains what is and isn't checked on Just Divorced Singles, and online dating after years away explains what has changed since you were last single. If you're dating someone who is also recently divorced, dating someone who is divorced is worth a read too.