Where to meet divorced singles near you, online and off

When a marriage ends, people often find that their social life ended with it. Friends were couples' friends, weekends were family weekends, and the places you went were places you went together. So "where do I meet people?" is really two questions: where to meet someone to date, and where to meet people at all. The answers overlap more than you'd think.

Online: let the map do some of the work

Online dating is the quickest way to find separated and divorced people near you, because you can see straight away who's within reach. A few settings make a big difference.

• Distance. Set it to how far you'd happily travel for a first coffee on a Tuesday evening. In a city that may be a few miles; in the country it may be thirty.
• Age range. Be generous. People often look younger or older than their number, and the person who makes you laugh may be five years outside your range.
• Children. If you have children, think about where you'll be on the weeks you have them, not only the weeks you don't.

On Just Divorced Singles you can set the distance and age range you're looking for, and say on your profile whether you have children. Joining, making a profile and browsing are free, so you can see who's near you before deciding whether to pay to read and reply to messages. Profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network, which widens the pool if you live somewhere quiet.

Our guide to online dating after years away covers photos, profiles and first messages, and choosing a divorced dating site explains what to check before you pay anywhere.

Offline: one regular thing beats ten one-off events

The most reliable way to meet people in person is to do the same thing, in the same place, with the same people, week after week. Familiarity does the work that a single speed-dating night can't.

Not everyone at a walking group or a pottery class will be single, and that's the point. You're widening your circle, and new friends bring new friends.

If you're in the UK and want to volunteer, GOV.UK lists official places to find opportunities, including the National Council for Voluntary Organisations, NHS Volunteering, Volunteering Wales and Volunteer Scotland. In other countries, your local council or library is usually a good place to start.

Divorced singles groups and support groups

Some towns have social groups specifically for people who are separated or divorced: dinners, walks, trips and nights out. Others have support groups, which are for talking through the divorce itself, often with someone running the session. Both can help, at different times. Many people find a support group useful first and a social group later.

Groups change often, so check before you go:

• Is there a named organiser and a fixed meeting place?
• What does it cost? A modest fee to cover a room is normal. Large upfront payments, or coaching sold to members, are not.
• Can you just turn up and see what it's like before committing?

Events and speed dating

Singles nights, supper clubs and speed-dating events can be fun, especially with a friend. They work best as a bonus rather than your whole plan, because you meet people once rather than week after week.

Before you book, check who runs the event and what the ticket covers, and look for an age range that suits you. Events aimed at people who are separated or divorced exist in some cities, but come and go, so treat any listing you find as a starting point and check it's still running. Go with low expectations and a good pair of shoes: the best outcome is often a pleasant evening and one phone number, which is a perfectly good result.

Ask your friends, properly

People are often shy about asking friends to set them up, especially after a divorce when friends may have taken sides. But a friend who knows you, and knows the other person, is a good filter. Tell two or three people you trust that you're open to meeting someone, and what you're looking for. You'll be surprised how many say "actually, I know someone".

When the other person is local

Meeting someone nearby is convenient. It also means you may see them at the school gate, the supermarket or the next club meeting. A few habits keep that comfortable.

1. Keep first meetings somewhere public and busy, and make your own way there and back.
2. Don't share your home address or your children's school until you know someone well.
3. Tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting.
4. End things clearly and kindly if it isn't right. "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we're a match" is enough, and makes the next accidental meeting much easier.

Local scammers are rarer than overseas ones, but the warning signs are the same. If someone keeps finding reasons not to meet, asks for money, or wants to move the conversation off the site straight away, stop. The US Federal Trade Commission advises never sending money or gifts to someone you haven't met in person. Read romance scams after divorce and our safety guide for more.

If you'd rather take it slowly

None of this has to happen at once. If you're not sure you're ready to date, a class or a club is a gentle way to get used to meeting new people again. Our guide on how to tell if you're ready may help you decide, and dating as a single parent covers finding the time when the children are with you.