Dating before your divorce is final, country by country

Seeing someone new while you wait for a divorce doesn't make you a criminal, and it doesn't stop the divorce. What it can do is hand your spouse, or their lawyer, something to point at while the important questions are still open. How much that matters depends almost entirely on where you live, so this guide takes each place in turn.

What a new relationship can and can't change

A new relationship can touch four things while a divorce is going through. It helps to keep them apart, because the law treats them separately everywhere.

1. The divorce itself. Where divorce is no-fault, a new partner makes no difference to whether you can divorce. Where adultery is still one of the ways to prove a marriage has broken down, a sexual relationship before the divorce is final could be relied on by your spouse.
2. Money and property. Dividing what you own is a separate decision from the divorce. Spending shared money on a new partner, or moving in with someone, can change how your needs and spending look.
3. Children. Arrangements for children are decided on what is best for the child. A new partner is rarely the deciding factor, but how quickly they were introduced can come up.
4. The mood of the negotiation. No statute covers this one. A spouse who feels humiliated may stop compromising, and a divorce that could have settled in months can take far longer.

The seven places side by side

England and Wales

Divorce in England and Wales has been no-fault since 6 April 2022, when the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 rewrote section 1 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. One or both of you state that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, and the court must take that statement as conclusive. Nobody has to prove adultery or behaviour, so a new relationship cannot be used to defend or delay the divorce.

The timetable is fixed by law: you can't confirm you want a conditional order until 20 weeks after the application starts, and the final order can't be made until 6 weeks after the conditional order.

Money is decided separately. When a court makes a financial order, section 25 of the 1973 Act gives first consideration to the welfare of any child of the family under 18, and lets the court weigh conduct only where it would be "inequitable to disregard it". For decisions about a child's upbringing, the Children Act 1989 makes the child's welfare the court's paramount consideration.

Scotland

Scotland has its own divorce law and did not adopt the 2022 reform. Under section 1 of the Divorce (Scotland) Act 1976, a marriage is shown to have broken down irretrievably in one of four main ways: adultery, behaviour that means the other spouse can't reasonably be expected to live with you, one year of living apart if your spouse consents, or two years of living apart without consent.

Because adultery is still on that list, a sexual relationship before the divorce could in principle be relied on by your spouse, unless they knew about it and accepted it. If you are relying on a period of living apart, what counts is how you and your spouse live, not whether you are seeing anyone else. Ask a Scottish family solicitor how this applies to you.

Northern Ireland

Northern Ireland also has its own law. Under article 3 of the Matrimonial Causes (Northern Ireland) Order 1978, the ground is irretrievable breakdown, and it has to be proved by one of five facts: adultery, behaviour, two years' desertion, two years living apart with your spouse's consent, or five years living apart without it.

So, as in Scotland, a new sexual relationship before the divorce could be relied on as adultery. The separation periods are the longest in the UK. A solicitor in Northern Ireland can tell you which route fits your situation.

Ireland

In Ireland, divorce does not depend on fault. The Courts Service says you and your spouse must have lived apart for at least 2 out of the previous 3 years, and the judge must be satisfied there is no reasonable chance of reconciliation.

You can live apart in the same house, but the Courts Service is clear that this means you can't be in an intimate and committed relationship with each other while you live together. Your relationship with someone new is not part of that test. A solicitor can tell you how money, property and arrangements for children will be dealt with in your case, so see one before you make big changes.

United States: check your state

There is no single US divorce law: each state writes its own rules on grounds, separation, support and property. Three examples show how much they differ.

• California. The state's courts say you don't need your spouse's agreement to get a divorce and "can get divorced for any reason".
• New York. Section 170 of the Domestic Relations Law allows a divorce where the marriage has broken down irretrievably for at least six months, but adultery is still listed as a separate ground. The court won't grant the divorce until property, support and arrangements for children are settled.
• North Carolina. Spouses must have lived separate and apart for one year before a divorce. The state also allows lawsuits for "alienation of affection" and "criminal conversation" against a third person, but section 52-13 says nothing that happens after the spouses physically separate, intending it to be permanent, can give rise to those claims.

Before you date, take these questions to a family lawyer licensed in your state: does fault still count here; can misconduct affect alimony; is there a rule about spending marital money on someone new; and does any temporary order or parenting plan say anything about new partners or overnight guests?

Canada

Divorce in Canada is governed by the federal Divorce Act. Under section 8, the only ground is breakdown of the marriage, and it can be shown in three ways: living separate and apart for at least one year, or the other spouse's adultery, or cruelty that makes living together intolerable. Living together again for up to 90 days to try to reconcile doesn't restart the one-year clock.

Adultery is still a route, so a new relationship could in principle be raised. For parenting orders, section 16 says the court considers only the best interests of the child, and must not consider anyone's past conduct unless it is relevant to their parenting. Property and support also depend on provincial and territorial law, so ask a lawyer in your province.

Australia

Australia has had no-fault divorce under the Family Law Act 1975 for decades. Section 48 sets one ground, irretrievable breakdown, and it is proved only by showing you separated and then lived separately and apart for at least 12 months before applying. A divorce won't be granted if there is a reasonable likelihood of you living together again.

Who did what plays no part in the divorce itself, so a new relationship can't stop it. Property and parenting are decided separately, and a lawyer can tell you whether anything in your own case makes timing important.

Wherever you live: moving in and spending money

Two moves cause more trouble than any date: moving in with someone, and spending shared money on them.

• Moving in can change how your housing needs and income look, and in some places it can affect support you pay or receive. Get advice before you sign a lease or put anyone's name on a mortgage.
• Spending shared money on gifts, holidays or rent for a new partner is easy for the other side to find and hard to defend. Keep spending on a new relationship modest, out of joint accounts and on the record until the finances are settled.
• Messages and photos can end up in front of a lawyer or a judge. That includes what you say about your ex to someone new; our guide to talking about your ex has more on this.

If you have children, go slowly and keep new partners away from handovers. Our guides on introducing a new partner to your children and co-parenting once one of you is dating go through the practical side.

What to ask your lawyer

Write the answers down. They will tell you more about your own situation than any general guide.

1. Could a new relationship be used in my divorce here, and how likely is that in practice?
2. Could it affect support, either what I pay or what I receive?
3. Is there anything in a court order, separation agreement or parenting plan about new partners?
4. If I move in with someone, what changes for me and for them?
5. Is there anything I should do, or avoid, until the finances are settled?

For the day-to-day side of dating while things are still open, read our guide to dating while separated, and when you start meeting people, our safety advice applies to everyone.